Our Dog


Words & Music: Jake Thackray

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You haven't got a bloody clue!
You never ever do the things that proper dogs do.
Like finding your way home
Or what to do with bones, as proper dogs do.
You walk in your sleep, you feel worried by sheep.
Oh! Jesus Christ, I've never ever known a dog as clueless as you.

You haven't got a bloody clue!
if I threw you a stick you'd bring me back a lampshade.
You cannot climb the stairs,
You stare at empty chairs, you listen to the gramophone.
You niff ladies' frocks and the crotches of clergymen.
Jesus Christ, I've never ever known a dog as clueless as you.

But you're so nice, aaah! so nice,
You bark at the darkness, you fart at our parties,
But you're so nice, aaah! so nice,
Visitors who visit us, visit us twice.

You haven't got a bloody clue!
I know no other dog that's got a favourite handbag.
You've got no sense of smell,
You cannot even tell a policeman from a lamppost.
You sleep and you eat, and God knows you excrete.
Oh! Jesus Christ, I've never ever known a dog as clueless as you.

But you are so nice, aaah! so nice.
Burglars adore you, they come back for more of you.
So nice, aaah! so nice,
Burglars who burgle us, burgle us twice.

You haven't got a bloody clue!
I couldn't give a toss because I rather like it.
I couldn't give a toss
Because you do not do the things that proper dogs do.
You don't fight, you don't bite, there is no kind of spite about you.
Jesus Christ, I'm pretty sure, would love a dog as clueless as you.

Because you're so nice, aaah! so nice,
No howling, no scowling, no prowling, no growling,
Just so nice, oh! so nice,
People who think of you, think of you twice.

An early radio broadcast included this extra final verse:

You are so nice, so nice,
So senseless and weak so defenceless and meek.
But you're so nice, so nice,
Jesus will have you in his paradise.

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