The Policeman's Jig


Words & Music: Jake Thackray

Click here to download guitar tab

Here's a jolly jig that we've all heard before,
Frequently performed by the extraor-dinary
Dancing bastions of the law.
They call it the policeman's jig-jig.

It's the dance of the police pornography squad
Very similar to the Dashing White Jod-rells
All close eyes and off you plod,
Doing the policeman's jig-jig.

Waiting at the station is the dancing troupe,
Whistles listless, truncheons droop-ing.
Then up and away, lads, we're off on a swoop.
Heigh-ho for a policeman's jig-jig.

There's private parts to prosecute
So off they swirl in wild pursuit
With flashing eyes and whirling boots,
Off for a policeman's jig-jig.

They've got no time for the ordinary muck,
The inflammatory pap of the dirty book-shops.
Grotty erotica never gets a look-in -
Not in a policeman's jig-jig.

No, they like a bit of class if it's going to be banned;
A masterpiece comes in right hand-y -
Preferably something they don't understand
Is grist to the policeman's jig-jig.

Then back to the nick with whoops and cries
Bearing aloft their pornographic prize-s.
Brew a pot of tea and feast their eyes
On the pickings of the policeman's jig-jig.

If it's a picture or a book that shows a bit of style
They whisper to each other with maidenly smiles:
"I don't get it, so it must be vile".
Such is the policeman's jig-jig.

Thank you mister policeman for the pure work you do.
If those dirty things were open to the public view
We'd all get bulging eyes and nasty habits, just like you,
If we did a policeman's jig-jig.


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