Words & Music: Jake Thackray
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When Ulysses comes home He always greets me with an open heart But you will see how Ulysses Has taken my life apart
I've got a dog called Ulysses He plays all day in the park Sniffing at his friends and the chestnut trees And chasing cats 'til after dark
When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof) His tail in the air His usual exuberance Is awfully hard to bear
When I stumble home at night I'm jaded and stale And so I try to take a little repose I don't want waking up with a happy tail I don't want a kiss from a big wet nose
When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof) He gets on my wick For Ulysses communicates His love with a snuffle and a lick
I like to sit in my fireside chair Watching telly 'til the epilogue In a semi-coma and without a care And I would do if it were not for my bloody dog
When my Ulysses comes home (wag wag woof woof) Like a maniac Its useless to pursue my viewing So I've sent my television back
I tried to climb the social scale And so I organised a little do Some very posh people came to my cocktail But at half-past seven my party was through
When my Ulysees came home (wag wag woof woof) I knew I was sunk My guests were not at all impressed And they left when my dog got drunk
I brought my sweetie home one night And we both knew that this was it Sipping Chianti by candlelight We were getting to a very important bit
When my Ulysees came home (wag wag woof woof) He broke the spell Intruding on my beautiful Romance like a hound from hell
My one solution is quick and grim A little bottle of cyanide I can't bring myself to get rid of him I shall have to perform a suicide
So when Ulysees comes home (wag wag woof woof) Home for his tea He'll have to cry a little bit For having given so much love to me.
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