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I received a delightful book for Christmas called: Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation.* I expect others of you will have come across it too, but for those who haven’t, the story which explains the title is this:
A panda walks into a caf?©. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
“I’m a panda,” he says, at the door. “Look it up.”
The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an
explanation.“Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.”
The book is a quick and easy read, both fun and informative, and should appeal to the ‘phobes’ and the ‘philes’ of modern communications technology. The writer is serious about her thesis, but writes in a lighthearted vein; if you think punctuation is not a laughing matter, how about this:
[i]“…..semicolons are dangerously habit-forming. Many writers
hooked on semicolons become an embarrassment to their families
and friends. ……. I hear there are now Knightsbridge clinics offering semicolonic irrigation Рbut for many it may be too late.”[/i]One illustration given of how meaning depends on correct punctuation is this:
[I]A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.[/I]So here is a brain-teaser for those who find the making of New Year resolutions boring:
Create your own (be honest, please) phrase or sentence, which can be interpreted in two very different ways according to how it is punctuated.
I haven’t managed to do one myself yet. The first one to post is on a promise of FUNdamental liberties being taken, in one form or another, at the next Jakefest!
Judith
* by Lynne Truss, published in 2003 by Profile Books at £9.99.
Did you spot the not so deliberate mistake with the boardcode?
And I did of course intend my message for ‘punctuation pedants‘ in the plural – I know jolly well there’s more than one out there.
Hope there may be a preview and/or edit facility in due course.Judith
Just moving and changing one punctuation mark makes Judith’s paragraph take a totally different interpretation…
I haven’t managed to do one myself, yet the first one to post is on a promise of FUNdamental liberties being taken, in one form or another, at the next Jakefest!
🙂
“What is this thing called love?”
“What is this thing called, love?”
“What! Is this thing called love?”
“What is this thing?” called Love.
🙂
Following Pam’s lead of recycling old theatrical jokes, what about:
“What’s that in the road? A head?”
I’ll have a go at one of my own later.
“What IS this?” Thing called. “Love?”
I don’t think any of you rates as a winner so far, as you have been recycling other people’s stuff, but it’s all good fun. Malcy, I did say “the first one to post”, but of course I meant the first one to post an original creation. Still, I’ll take another liberty if you insist.
Please don’t use yellow again, Pam, it’s impossible to see! As an emoticon fan, are you, like me, feeling frustrated by not being able to put them anywhere except at the end of the message? 😡
Or have I made it work this time? Can’t preview, so here goes.
JudithOK. Gloves off.
David Harris is a legend. In his own mind, the bodhran is one of the most difficult instruments to play.
or…
David Harris is a legend in his own mind. The bodhran is one of the most difficult instruments to play.
Has to be original even if not funny. 😛
Granted – you win! Hope there’ll be some more contributions though.
Judith 🙂It’s not often I laugh out loud, but Malcy had me there!
Look, I’m not very original, so no contributions from my pen, but isn’t the joke about a male rapist Panda.
Around here, posh girls arrive! 😉David Harris is ! (a variation of the shortest possible sentence “I am”)
A legend in his own mind !! (statement of fact)
The bodhran is one of the most difficult instruments to play !!! (see above)
😛
Sign in restaurant toilet :
“We aim to please, you aim too, please”
OK not quite what was in mind, but I quite like it….. 🙂
Dear Judith,
O.K. Definitely not nicked:
Searching for an answer, the widow had it! Off on her motorbike to Scarborough, she cried “Bugger Bridlington”.
Re-punctuate at your leisure.
I look forward to see’ing your answ’ers.
Lots of love,
Frankie. xxxxx :
Perfick! Not only to the point – (and the comma, and the quotation marks etc), but ON TOPIC TOO :ohmy: You get a special award – I owe you a drink anyway.
But I wonder if I’ll be the first to get it up here :
Searching for an answer, the widow had it off on her motorbike! “To Scarborough” she cried, “Bugger Bridlington”.
Can anyone make another version?
Judith
PS later : I’ve just acquired ‘edit’ rights, so I’ll add:
I did also notice your errant – or even aberrant – apostrophes too, Frankie. Luv’n’kisses ~ J“Bugger”, the widow, she observed, “Bridlington !” From her motorbike en route to Scarborough, an answer had come.
or…
“Bugger the widow !” She observed Bridlington from her motorbike en route to Scarborough. An answer had come.
I’ll get me coat. 😉
[color=#0000FF]Never mind your apostophes and commas, what about the dash – my favourite! Well, apart from the exclamation mark!
Headline in a newspaper read:
Refuse strikes fear in city.
Should have read:
Refuse-strikes fear in city.Sue.[/color]
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